"If you judge people, you don't have time to love them"

Why is it that we so often choose to look for the worst in others rather than the best? It doesn't leave them much room to exceed our expectations. When we expect the worst from a person, it's likely that's all we'll see from them, because we don't allow them to give us anything better or allow ourselves to see anything better.

If we could spend more time searching for the best in each other, we open the door for encouragement and growth. And we'd finally stop setting each other up for failure.

God did not send Jesus to die on the cross for us to judge and shun one another. He loves us as the sinners that we are. We weren't placed on the earth to be hopeless creatures lost for all eternity. We were created by God, in His image, to serve Him. And who are we to tell God that His creation isn't good enough? If it were me, I would be so terribly offended. Especially if it were my most treasured masterpiece.

~~~~~~~~~~

Update:

Packed up and moved out Thursday morning. I'm staying at my friend Jenna's while she's out of town until Monday. The apartments didn't tell us until Thursday (you know..the last day of the month) that they don't allow more than 3 unrelated persons to live in one apartment at once.

So I'm not sure what I'm going to do after Monday, but I just need somewhere to go until 2 of the girls move out at the end of the month when school starts back up and hopefully move into the apartments.

Tangent:

I applied for an auto loan yesterday. My brother is helping me find a decent car that isn't about to self destruct like the one I have. Then maybe I'd feel safe enough to drive it home so I can visit my family every once in a while. Yes, I realize there are things called planes...but I hate flying. Even though I've done it a billion times, I think it's still my biggest fear. I don't feel near as much anxiety in any other situation.

End Tangent.


I can't wait until the day I can finally find a place I can really call home. And it actually feels like a home. You know...the kind where you're actually wanted there.

And Tristen says that she believes for me. I'm so lucky to have the friends that I do. I purchased a few new scrapbooking supplies yesterday. One was this pad of rub-on quotes about friendship, and there's this one quote that I just love...because it seems to ring so incredibly true:

A friend is someone
who knows the song in your heart,
and can sing it back to you
when you have forgotten the words.

And a song that's an old favorite of mine and several of my friends began playing in my car Thursday on my way to work when I was feeling incredibly disheartened and exhausted. It reminded me that there is a God who's in control and loves me even when love seems so distant from me. A God who understands more than I ever could. A God who is eternally faithful regardless of how flawed I may be or how I stop believing in myself or how lost I get. A God who accepts my weaknesses just as much as He accepts my strengths.

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my father
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful
He’s always been faithful to me.

Could You Look At Me With Some Imagination?

When there's nothing to believe in, I believe in you
Forget the past and let my hand in yours be the proof
Though the strong could be my company, you're the one I choose
So remember, I believe in you

I know it feels like every eye is watching you
Waiting for you to fall, expecting you to lose
But I see victory, so all you have to do
Is remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

There will come a day when love will lift you out of here
There will come a day when love will bring the truth
There will come a day when love will free you from your fear
And you'll remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you


My vision seems so clouded. By what, I'm not entirely sure. That's not true...I think deep down I know that the enemy is attacking me from every side. And it has caused me to at some point down this road slide back into the trap of working to please others. Working so hard just so I can be deemed adequate by others. Instead of working only to please my heavenly father.

I think between the attacks and stings of the enemy I finally feel weak and defeated.

"I think you are stronger and wiser than you used to be. You just don't see it. Don't give up! God keeps his promises and he wants to give you an extraordinary life to the full!"

There is so much that I don't understand, but so desperately wish I did.

How I want to trust God and allow Him to love me. But the longer time goes by, the less I think I know what love even is.


You shake your head
What is so hard to believe?
When you are in your bed
I sing over you the sweetest things

Because oh, my love does not tire
I'm awake when the moon is full
And I know the times when you feel lost
And you just aren't sure

Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you

You could steal away in the middle of the night
And hide in the light of day
While you cloak yourself in the darkest lies

But oh my love, it swims in the deepest oceans of fear
And as soon as you lower your head
I am here

Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you

If only you could see
How heaven stills when you speak
I know all your days
And I have wrapped you in mystery

And oh, my love for you
Is as wide as the galaxies
Just hold out your hand and close your eyes
And come be with me

Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you

Psalm 27:13-14

"Yet I am confident I will see
the Lord's goodness while I am
here in the land of the living.

Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."


I'm moving out...it's a long story...but I could use some prayer that everything goes smoothly.

And perhaps a little encouragement as well.

Thanks. :)


“Be completely humble and gentle;
be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
Ephesians 4:2

You're Always Missing Someone

My facebook status:
Lis misses all her friends who went home for the summer. :( Add her friends who are still in the 'Creek, too :(

Me: Well..I'm going to Target..
Me: Allll byyyy myseeellfff...
Don't wanna be..
all byyy myseeellff
aaaannnyymooooorrreeeeeee

Micaela: I would walk 500 miles
and I would walk 500 more..

:)

One thing I hate about growing up is that you're always missing someone.

Glad Marriage Tidings To You!

What do you say to someone who's getting married soon? "Happy Wedding! or "Glad Marriage Tidings to You!" "Congratulations" is more like something you'd say early on in the engagement. I've had a couple customers come in this week who are getting married this weekend, and I wanted to leave them with something...but I had nothing. And for a moment, I was entirely perplexed that I had no idea what to say.


I may never understand the ways of God. I wish I could tell the difference between God's voice and my own hopefulness. It's so difficult to comprehend the possibility that his will for me is something that I can't imagine experiencing. I feel so far from it, I'm unaware of what it is that I'm missing. It hardly seems likely to become a reality.

On another note, I'm beginning to feel my inspiration, excitement, passion, and love for knowledge again. I don't think the full-time classroom setting is for me. To be honest, I never paid much attention in class during high school. I'd simply take as many notes as I mindlessly could, then teach myself the material when I got home. Then I'd never have to study for a test and eventually graduated with a 3.8/4.0 GPA.

I think that if I could teach myself I could do perfectly fine and retain more information. Perhaps I will still graduate from Evangel. But with what? I know God is leading me into Women's Ministry, but I also have this desire and motivation deep within me to own a business (Archiver's, anyone? ;) ). And do I want to be confined to the AG forever? No.

I just want truth.

One thing I love about online journaling is that you can go back and fix your mistakes without scratching out your old mistakes and causing blobs and smears of ink all over the pages. Sometimes I go through what I call my actual journal (the one not seen by the public eye, because it is written down on paper and hidden away in my bedroom), and I find mistakes, misspellings, and grammatical errors that I wish to fix, but at the same time I don't want to make the entire work sloppy. It's an ongoing war that I choose to endure. I suppose all I can do is attempt at practicing things correctly the first time.

Next set of business...2 things I'm praying for God's provision:

First - Mercy Ministries. They friended me on myspace a while ago. They posted a bulletin the other day and it reminded me that they exist! It interested me, so I began looking into it.

What it is, is an organization that has facilities around the globe where young women (between ages 13-28) can go to seek help and guidance. A lot of them go there because of abuse, addiction, depression, etc. Mercy Ministries helps them through a program that allows them to recognize their self-worth and prepare them to reach their full potential. Eventually they graduate from the program with a new outlook and view of the world and themselves through God's eyes.

Their mission is for young women to experience God's unconditional love, forgiveness, and life-transforming power. They have an internship program I'm interested in. Their closest facility to me is in St. Louis. I don't know if I'd do it any time soon. Only if God leads me to.

They recently had a women's conference to celebrate their 25th anniversary and some of the women that spoke have spoken at James River, including Charlotte Scanlon-Gambill (whom I heard speak right before I left for tour) and Christine Caine (who will be speaking at our Women's Conference this fall). One of their mottos struck me:

Your past doesn't have to define your FUTURE.

Amen!

Second - Authentic Girl Fellowship. Eric and Leslie Ludy's books are THE books that really impacted and changed my life. There are usually those sources, people, and events that played a huge role in who you are today and have yet to become. Namely, When Dreams Come True and Authentic Beauty are some indicators of that turning point in my life.

Basically with the fellowship, I apply to begin my own Authentic Girl Fellowship group in my area. At the moment, I really feel this one set on my heart. I've chatted with some of my girl friends about their participation and their response contained such inspiring enthusiasm. I think it would be a great opportunity not only through campus, but also for young girls throughout the city of Springfield.

Well, it's late. Or early. And I must wake up early enough so that I may spend some long overdue time with some familiar faces. :)